照例放一下喜歡的台詞。(下之上)是BL腐台詞與腐眉批,(下之下)是其他。

雖然對第三季的定調不太滿意,但它真的是BL經典,飄小花放煙火的腐台詞無所不在,隨便撿就一把。最後決定放Top 10,卻難以取捨地選了很久。

10. 第十名我頒給麥考夫哥哥對夏洛克的兄弟情深。我是對的,夏洛克那些貴森森高級服飾一定是麥考夫哥哥進貢的。

M: MI6. They want to place you back into Eastern Europe. An undercover assignment that would prove fatal to you in, I think, about six months.
S: Then why don't you want me to take it?
M: It's tempting, but on balance, you have more utility closer to home.
S: Utility! How do I have utility?
M: Here be dragons. This isn't agreeing with me. I'm going in.
(↑Mycroft 在兩句話中間嗆咳了一下。一定不是因為香煙。)
S: You need low tar. You still smoke like a beginner.
M: Also...your loss would break my heart.
(↑這次換夏洛克被煙嗆到了。)
S: What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!
M: Merry Christmas? (S3#3)

9.這一段原本稱不上腐,除非對照華生夫婦的對話。稍早之前,約翰與瑪莉和好的對話中,約翰說了很多意味著「我還在生氣,你要讓著我一點」的話,瑪莉也都點頭說好。然而,其中一句是「寶寶的名字我來取。("I choose the baby's name.")Mary乾脆地說:「不可能。("Not a chance.")」約翰也就乖乖說好。跟下面的對話放在一起看,不禁佩服瑪莉洞燭機先,防情敵防得嚴密啊!再怎麼不介意,也不能讓「夏洛克」這個名字堂堂正正地介入自己與華生的生活不是?

夏洛克跟約翰單獨道別的時候。兩人都想不出該說什麼,然後夏洛克開口:

S: William Sherlock Scott Holmes.
J: Sorry?
S: That's the whole of it. If you're looking for baby names.

夏洛克說他的全名是William Sherlock Scott Holmes。這個據說出現在某些改編版中的全名,應為杜撰。柯南道爾確實多次更改偵探姓名,最後才拍版定案,但原著中,Sherlock Holmes一直就是Sherlock Holmes(註)。我猜Scott應該是因為福爾摩斯的原型Joseph Bell是個蘇格蘭人(Scott)。至於那個William就不知道哪兒來的了。

之後不死心的夏洛克又試了一次。

S: John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and I never have. Since it's unlikely we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now. (Pause) Sherlock is actually a girl's name.
J:...It's not.
S: It was worth a try.
J: We're not naming our daughter after you. (S3#3)
(↑我很懷疑。若非瑪莉有言在先,夏洛克乘著東風回來在後,思念故人的醫生多半會對著妻子說:「其實夏洛克這個名字也蠻女孩子的……」)

8. 約翰帶大家回味一二季經典台詞「我不是同性戀!」哈德森太太絕對是腐女(認證通過)。那句「(你的對象是)女的?你真的變了……」真是太爆笑了啊!

J: I've met someone.
H: Oh, lovely.
J: Yeah. We're getting married. Well, I'm going to ask, anyway.
H: So soon after Sherlock?
J: Hmm, well, yes.
H: What' s his name?
J: It's a woman.
H: A woman?
J: Yes, of course it's a woman.
H: You really have moved on, haven't you?
J: Mrs. Hudson, how many times? Sherlock was not my boyfriend!
H: Live and let live, that's my motto.
J: Listen to me. I am not gay! (S3#1)

7. 第七名頒給兄弟倆的對話。對話當中洋溢著夏洛克的雀躍:「耶~我要跟約翰見面了~」這樣,結果被哥哥潑冷水。那句「什麼生活?我又不在。」不知該說自信還是自我感覺良好啊!!

S: I think I'll surprise John. He'll be delighted.
M: You think so?
S: Hmm, pop into Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake.
M: Baker Street? He isn't there anymore. Why would he be? It's been two years. He's got on with his life.
S: What life? I've been away. Where's he going to be tonight?
M: How would I know? (S3#1)

6. 第六名頒給露齒威脅一笑。這一段好歡樂。為了約翰,夏洛克真是什麼都肯做啊。
S: Let’s talk about Mary first.
David(倒楣的路人甲兼瑪莉前男友): Sorry, what?
S: Oh, I think you know what. You went out with her for two years.
D: Er...ages ago, we’re just good friends now.
S: Is that a fact? Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes regardless of time or current location, suggesting you have her on text alert. In all your Facebook photos of the happy couple, Mary takes centre frame whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded.
(↑真的?你把偵探才能用來做這個?)
D: You can’t assume from that that I’ve still got...some kind of interest in Mary...
S: You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on on no less than three separate occasions. Do you have anything to say in your defense? I think from now on we’ll downgrade you to ‘casual acquaintance with no more than three planned social encounters a year, and always in John’s presence’. I have your contact details. I will be monitoring.
(↑簽發保護令的夏洛克法官大人。XDD)
D: ...They’re right about you. You’re a bloody psychopath.
S: High-functioning sociopath. With your number. (S3#2)

sherlock3_35
(David: 威脅!我被威脅了~)

5.夏洛克對約翰許下的結婚誓詞(無誤)。不但自己發誓還把法律上是華生太太的瑪莉也拖下水,這是在提醒瑪莉要好好善待華生嗎?XD 第二集的標題「三的跡象(The Sign of Three)」,劇中的解釋是夏洛克看出了瑪莉已經懷孕的事實,所以兩人的結婚意味著三人家庭。但對照婚禮誓詞來看,也可以解讀為「三個簽名」,你們三個人都在結婚證書上簽名了吧!雖然夏洛克用的是隱形墨水。

前面那一段自我分析與自我貶抑太長了,省略。我真佩服乖乖坐著聽完夏洛克冗長演講的賓客。

S: ……John, I am a ridiculous man, redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But, as I am apparently you best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can. Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John, you have endured war and injury and tragic loss - so sorry again about that last one - so know this; today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.
J: If I try to hug him, stop me.
M: Certainly not. (S3#2)

賓客聽完感人的誓詞之後都落淚鼓掌。瑪莉的反應也很可愛啊!最後約翰還是上前擁抱夏洛克了。XD

4. 好快就進第四名了,我真的有版面不夠的感覺。這樣大家就知道這一季有多麼閃亮了吧!給吃醋的夏洛克一個名次!XD

S:So that's him, Major Sholto.
M: Ah-ha.
S: If they're such good friends, why does he barely even mention him?
M: He mentions him all the time to me. Never shuts up about him.
S: About him?
(↑好像聽得見夏洛克心中在說:「不是我嗎?」)
M: Hmm. Ugh, I chose this wine but it's bloody awful!
S: Yes, but it's definitely him that he talks about?
M: Hmm.
S: I've never even heard him say his name.
M: Well, he's almost recluse, you know, since...
S: Yes.
M: I didn't think he'd show up at all, John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met.
S: He is? He's the most unsociable?
(↑再一次:「不是我嗎?」)
M: Hmm.
S: Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy.
M: Oh, Sherlock. Neither of us was the first, you know.
(↑這就是所謂的「初戀最美」嗎?XDD)
S: Stop smiling.
M: It's my wedding day!

3. 這是婚禮前夕,兩人喝醉了玩推理遊戲的場景。兩人在對方的額頭上互貼一個名字,然後互相提問,從問答中來猜自己額頭上寫的是什麼名字。第一時間只是覺得有些異樣,再看一次台詞果然大有深意。當時夏洛克額頭上貼的是自己的名字。夏洛克的推理意味著,約翰眼中的他,是他眼中的約翰。

S: So, I am human, I’m not as tall as people think I am, I’m...I’m nice-ish, clever, important to some people, but I tend to rub them up the wrong way. Got it.
J: Go on, then.
S: I’m you, ain’t I? (S3#2)

2. 第二名頒給華生醫生的鬍子事件。約翰自己留鬍子留得很高興,到頭來才發現瑪莉只是假裝不反對,還被初次見面的夏洛克一眼看穿。可以想見約翰的自尊很受傷。(「六個月來跟瑪莉朝夕相處的是我啊~」)

先來個前因:從哥哥手裡看到資料照片的夏洛克。

S: No. Well, we'll have to get rid of that.
M: We?
S: He looks ancient. I can't be seen to be wandering around with an old man. (S3#1)

「我不能被人家看到我跟個老頭跑來跑去。」原來夏洛克這麼愛面子!當天晚上見面後,就在約翰還在為了夏洛克詐死不報而憤怒的時候,夏洛克白目地指著約翰的鬍子問:「你真的要留著那個嗎?("Are you really going to keep that?")」

被打活該。XD

不過,回到住處後,可能打過比較氣消了,約翰乖乖刮了鬍子,還被瑪莉調侃了一番:


M: You're shaving it off.
J: Well, you hate it.
M: Sherlock hates it.
J: Apparently everyone hates it.
M: Oh? Are you going to see him again?
J: No, I'm going to work.
M: Oh, and after work are you going to see him again?
J: No.
M: God, I had 6 months of bristly kisses for me and then his nibs turns up...
L: I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes.
M: You should put that on a T-shirt.
J: Shut up.
M: Or what?
J: Or I'll marry you.

我想看那件T恤。

1. 第一名。昏迷失血的夏洛克困在心智宮殿裡,潛意識裡的莫瑞亞堤對他說話。

M: Sherlock is dying. Come on, Sherlock. Just die, why can't you? One little push and off you pop. You're going to love being dead. No one ever bothers you. Mrs. Hudson will cry. Mommy and Daddy will cry. And the woman will cry. And John will cry buckets and buckets. It's him that I worry the most. That wife! You're letting him down. John Watson is definitely in danger. [Pause] You're not going better, are you? Was it something I said, huh? Sherlock!!! (S3#3)

聽到「你要讓他失望了,約翰華生肯定非常危險。」的時候,瀕死的夏洛克掙扎著重返人間。這也讓我想起約翰在墓前要求夏洛克為自己活過來( "I asked you for one more miracle. I asked you to stop being dead."),夏洛克在這裡才算是真的為約翰實現了這個奇蹟,也貫徹了「絕不會讓你失望」的誓言。



註:詳見SherlockExtra, The Name of Sherlock Holmes 是我的話,會把標題翻成「福爾摩斯姓名考」。完全滿足我的偶發性考據癖^^。

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